Get Prepared for a long post!

Well Hello to my 11 followers,

The following is me ranting about sleep and then about my doctors appointment I had recenlty.

So just FYI, It is long and stuff and you don't need to read it :) Mostly for my documentation. 

I have been terrible at updating recently. Right now I am waiting for this sleeping pill to kick in, Yes it is 1:30 in the morning..... Isnt that the best time to write a blog post, it seems like it. Why can't my brain shut off? I am jealous of people who can just lay down and fall asleep. I usually am fighting a couple hours just to fall asleep. My doctor contributes the insomnia to my CFS. It is pretty common to have insomnia when you have it apparently. Weird I know, sometime I just sleep and sleep and sleep.....Like for days, I mean I get up and eat and maybe try to stay awake for an hour or two, but then I am so drained I go right back to sleep. I hate those days, but they only last usually for a couple of days.  

My sister Skype me and I love it, but she always sees me in bed. I don't like being in bed all the time....But why am I so wide awake at night sometimes. I purposefully drag myself out of bed at around noon, and make myself stay awake the rest of the day. It takes hours just to feel like I can function normally and then my body seems to be awake in the late afternoon and evenings.....and I get a little sleepy so I go and lay down, but I can't fall asleep. I just struggle and struggle. Counting sheep does not help.  I seem to finally fall asleep after hours of trying, once I am asleep I have no problem staying asleep. 

My life is the same as always, nothing really new has happened. It is the season of everyone getting sick, so I must try and keep away from all the people who are sick, because then I am in bed for at least a week. 

I had a doctors appointment on Monday. I really love the doctor I go to because she specializes in CFS. I feel so lucky to have found this doctors office. Anyways, we talked about my sleep. I have a big dependency on Ambien and I have not taken it for a whole week and a half, maybe two weeks. It has been extremely difficult and I  was up most the nights the first week without it, and I was wishing I had some so bad! I think I have made it through the worst part of it. Now at least I am asleep by 2 am. This is the third night I have been on this drug and I am not sure I feel like it is working. I am supposed to take up to so many doses to fall asleep. Well I am on my third dose and I am not going to go any higher then that....Still within what the doctor prescribed, but I hate taking so many pills.  I also was able to get a full lean test done and surprise surprise I have  OI (orthostatic intolerance) or some people refer to it as POTS. It was very interesting to see the results. 

My doctor thinks that my heart is perfectly normal, it just everything else is not really getting the blood back to my heart sufficiently. That is why compression helps. I am currently wearing compression daily on knees down, and half the time on my arms. My arms have been in pain, but the compression arm sleeves really help.

Oh I just remembered something fun I did, On Sunday I was able to go to my sisters house and play games in the evening with her family, it was a really fun evening. We played betrayal at the house on the hill with the expansion that recently came out.  It seemed the haunt that we got wasn't

at well written as it could have been, but we eventually understood what we were supposed to do and had fun playing it.

Ignore all my craft stuff in the background.

So I just felt like this long post needed a picture! So here you go, this is me right now! Oh how lovely my hair is, I straightened it today. Oh that is another thing. A couple of months ago I got a perm. I love the curls, but I hate how it has made my hair unhealthy. I think it would have been better if I hadn't colored my hair a month before. I am giving it a break for now and not getting it dyed for the winter. hopefully to let it grow out and get healthier feeling.

Wow this is a really long post! Kudos to you if  you have read the whole thing!

Thank you all for being you! 

Signing off at 1:57

Krista Lyn

Wow

I slept for like a whole day......I hate when that happens..

Birthday

Today is my birthday! I really can't believe another year has gone by

I just got back from Yellowstone yesterday, it was a fun week. 

I was able to catch a rare geyser this year, called Fan and Mortar. This year it has gone off between every 4-5 days. It was on its fifth day without going and according to the geyser gazers on the radio it was having really good signs of going. So I drove to the Lower Ham store, and walked very slowly, with many stops down to the geyser....It isn't that far of a walk for a non-CFIDS person :) Probably not even a mile, but alas this is my life. I had my nice big umbrella, Plenty of water, my compression socks on and I was off! Although my awesome husband was carrying all of this for me. It was perfect! He is a foot taller then me and so when he holds the umbrella it covers me perfectly (and also him, so it works out for both of us). Most of the other family members were down there, and we got there perfect timing. I will have to post a video of RB explaining why the water levels and stuff looked good when I get it edited. I probably only waited a half hour and BOOM it was going off! It had a bit of a rocky start and kept teasing all the really serious Geyser Gazers :) It was so spectacular! I have a video of the whole eruption, including me almost being run over by a crowd of screaming people because the sudden shift of wind made a lot of water come raining down on them, it was great! 

Other geysers I got to see :

Grand Geyser!

Beehive Geyser!

Old Faithful Geyser (of course)!

Mugwump (very small geyser but it hasn;t been active in years and years)

Lion Geyser ( from a bit of a distance)

Castle Geyser!

 I have to give a big shout out to my sister in law! I would not have seen about half of these geysers if she didn't push my around in a wheel chair on geyser hill! THANK YOU!!!!

It's hard to drive over about 30 minutes for me..... so when my doctors an hour and a half away it causes me major anxiety... because getting there is one thing, and then getting home is another issue....hmmmmmmm...... but it's the only doctor in the state that's specializes in cfids......so yeah..I just need to plan better..

And so it comes to writing all my feelings down

I don't know if I will ever publish this, but this is how I have dealt with things my whole life.

I have decided that my mother and her new husband are not welcome in my house anymore.

Maybe  I will write down my whole story someday you will all understand, but as of right now I do not care if you judge me and say that is rude. You think, That is your mother how could you say that.

Well I have just kicked them out of the house...

My mom believes that she is some sort of prophetess and she can tell you exactly what to do because it is coming from god and the worst part is, that her husband believes everything she comes up with.

When I was younger, my mom basically kidnapped me and my siblings. She took us on some crazy adventures and my dad had no clue where 4 of his kids were for what seemed like eternity to him, I remember it very well and it seemed like eternity to me too. Waking up each day and having my mom drive us to a different hotel and give them unknown names. One night she told me the next day we were going on  jet and never coming back. I was scared out of my mind and I don't think any 9 year old should ever have to go through this.  I missed my dad and knew that I just needed to get back to him where it was safe.....
See my mom is bi-polar.....manic depressive...what ever you want to call it, and she had gone off the deep end. She would say things like "your dad killed your brother, by sawing off the tree branch he was playing on." see my oldest brother was not with us.
The other things she would say when I said I wanted to go home were " where is home?" "It does not exsist?"  She had no clue what she was doing and she was crazy and I knew it! It was one of the scariest times of my life and I do not talk about it lightly or to hardly anyone......But everytime my mom visits it brings up these crazy times and I can not stand it. She acts like she is all the perfect angel and my dad is a horrible devil.....side note my dad was granted full custody of his kids......She blames it on him and believes that the way we are is because of him!  Well I am proud to say that the way I am is because Exactly how my father raised me and that is exactly who I want to be!!


I am sorry and I have just decided I am going to post this...... I might delete it when I am not so mad and I wrote it quickly and I am so sorry for all the mistakes.... in this blog, but I feel like I have just held it in for so long.... I will write my whole story some day, but that is not today......

Dog, Car and CFIDS update

Hello
I was on a good streak there for a while and then I disappeared, but don't worry it was just a short break.  Only a month.

Today I am in  a solemn mood,  Another one of my family dogs died yesterday. It was sudden, he wasn't really old. He was happy, go lucky dog, running around having the time of his life, and then he just fell over yesterday and died. I am suspecting a heart attack or something of that nature. I just played with him on Sunday, and now he is gone. I don't know which is better to deal with....watching a dog get old and having to go through the pain of getting older or just all the sudden having them be gone, no pain, just gone......... SO now I am going to tell stories of him

His name was Nacho, and he was beloved by many. He was rescued from death row by my father. He had just loved digging through peoples garbage's way to much, and it had landed him in the pound with no one to claim him. I am not sure how my father found out about him, but soon enough he was on the farm and loving life. Not many garbage's to raid out there, because not many neighbors.  Although he did get put in doggy jail once or twice and again my father came to the rescue. At first he was an inside dog for the most part, until the day he figured out how to jump on the table and snarfed a beloved sandwich down in under ten seconds! From that day on he was an outside dog, but no worries, I believe he enjoyed having his home be outside. He had his own doggy house, plenty of land to roam, and all the dog food he could eat. He seemed to make it a tradition to jog down to my aunts house and get fed from her all the time. He would roam to other neighbors houses to be petted and loved on, most of them knew where he belonged, and when my father would come home from work. He would trot on back down to hang out with him in the garage or anywhere my father would be working. One day I was out there, and needed to go outside quick and so I threw on my dads coat. Nacho Freaked out, and just wanted to be held and petted by me, it was hilarious because he could smell so much of my father on me.  Sweetest dog ever, and he will be missed! I ordered the cement to make his stepping stone. I will have to post pictures of it when it is done.


That is nacho in a nutshell. I am still in shock. He is just gone.

Summer has officially came and of course it is hot, and you will probably hear me complain about how hot my apartment is because we have a swamp cooler instead of central air, but I do have a portable AC that seems to just keep my bedroom cool enough. So there is a plus.

We bought a new car this past week and I love it! Although RB is having major remorse over buying it because of something the car fax reported, I am having it checked out thoroughly and so hopefully all is well with it. It is a hybrid and so quite!


Time for my CFIDS Update: I have been doing terrible at taking this new med, so today I installed an app on my phone to shout at me when to take it. I am resolved to doing better and making more notes on how it is going. My arm has been feeling weird. It is my left arm, and it is on the underneath part. It has been happening for a couple of days.....not sure what to make of it. Besides that everything is the same old here in the CFIDS department. Tired lots, OI issues, sleep issues, you know stuff that normally comes with CFIDS.

Isn't the best time for a blog post 2 in the morning??

As you guessed by the title, I am not asleep and it is almost 2 am in the morning. I have been trying really hard to fall asleep, and I know one of the suggestions that has helped me is if I have not fallen asleep after laying there for a while get up and do something small. A lot of times, for me that is writing of some sort.  I guess it helps sort out all of the stuff in my head and helps me sleep better.

I have gotten off ambien again, It sucks being on it, but it also sucks being off it. I know some people are thinking, I thought she had Chronic Fatigue...Why can't she sleep....Well it isn't that I am not tired, because I am....My brain just doesn't want to shut off.  Life with CFS is so interesting. At times I can hardly keep my eyes open and can't make a coherent sentence come out of my mouth. Or I start switching words all over the place without even realizing it, until someone has said something...LOL, it doesn't bother me when I do that, I just find it funny.

Well this might be a long blog post and I am sorry in advance, but hey if I quit in the middle that means I got too tired to continue and then fell asleep.....Maybe in front of my computer....but hey I am asleep at least! SO I guess I should continue about what has been going on in my life.

Last week was a really exciting and anxiety ridden week, but I really didn't want my anxiety to win out (thank goodness for anti-anxiety pills). One of my roommates moved up to my end of the world, or at least closer then she was and decided it was time for a fun roomie get together!  She still had to drive 2 hours, but at least it wasn't 5 or 6.  She drove up and we met up at my house along with our other roomie  from that year, that doesn't live to far away from me.  It was a fun evening and I am glad my excitement won over! No random gut aches, no nausea, and no dizziness :) I kept thinking throughout the night "I can't believe it has been 10 years since we were roommates!" It really does not seem that long ago. I just feel like I could write so much about these 2 wonderful people that have changed my life!  I will save that for my other journal.....yes I keep another journal.....although not as well as this one.....College (and highschool, one was my friend in highschool also) would not have been the same without them. Thanks GUYS! If you ever read this, and sorry for being an over talker....I keep thinking that I talked way too much!!!

Another thing I did was get a perm! Yeah, I have not had one since highschool and I was wanting to see how I like it again......the verdict....I LOVE IT! It has been fun! We well see if I still feel that way in a couple of months :)


Some memories that linger around in my head feel like they just happened, it is weird to think how much time has gone by.


Tomorrow/today, since it is technically today, I have a family reunion to go too. I really hope I can fall asleep soon, and get enough sleep to be able to go....Because it is one of my favorite days of the year!


Maybe at the end of each blog I should do a medical update kind of thing....I don't really like the term medical......hmmm I think of something....any ways


CFS update:Started out on a new medication for my racing heart, no bad side effects so far, but I also haven't noticed any improvement either, but I have not been monitoring like I should when I take it. So my goal is to take medication and monitor and write down results.

Grumpy wife

 My husband is the coolest guy, but sometimes he has a really grumpy wife. Today was one of those day.

My weekend consisted of things I usually don't do, I guess I will start from the beginning.

 I did a landscape a couple years ago and decided that it needed some TLC this spring.   One hour on Friday and two on Saturday.....yeah I am having Post external malaise (as my doctor would call it) pretty bad. I feel super crappy and my whole body aches..... So my husband walks into my craft room asking if I was mad at him and I told him I wasn't that I was just rethinking some of my life choices. You know, because I am dramatic like that. The only choice I was rethinking was working on the landscape. I have two of my younger cousins helping me out, and I can't really just say "ok I want you to do this, this, and this" and expect it to get done exactly the way I want it, so I need to show them how...which is perfectly fine, because usually people can't read my mind. They are youngins (as I call them) and not really had landscaping experience before.  But back to telling my husband this, it doesn't come out pleasant and he walks away all sad.....Don't worry I explained my over dramatic response.

Yes, so I am pretty sore today and don't feel like moving at all.

Realization

Lately, I have come to realize something,  I am the kind of person who thinks I am friends with everyone, even if we were friends forever ago, and they all have new lives and new friends and new family, and I am just stuck in the past...I don't know if this makes sense, but it is just what has been going through my mind lately. Over the past 8 years, I have been exposed, let's say, to way less people than the normal person. I don't have a job, don't have kids,  etc etc...... I haven't made many new friends....I mean, don't get me wrong, I love all the friends I have, even if they don't consider me a friend anymore. I just feel like most people have moved on with their lives and kind of have forgotten about me.... This is not supposed to be a downer post and I am not feeling sorry for myself, as I said earlier, It is becoming something I am realizing about my life as time goes on..BUT the more I think about it the more I become sorry for myself......um yeah, so I am going to stop talking about this subject, because I hate feeling sorry for myself


I seem to get extremely talkative and emotional when I take excedrin migraine medicine. Does this happen to anyone else? Emotional like, I am on the verge of tears one second and laughing about something else the next. It brings up too many emotions to deal with all at once, and I end up talking my husband's ear off. I don't like taking it, but Ibuprofen doesn't seem to work for my headaches anymore.

Today is Easter Sunday!

I am not doing much, Woke up with a headache.

I keep thinking of things I would like to do, but my craft room is kind of inaccessible right now. My ceiling is finally getting fixed. It just needs to have all the hardware put back on and then painted. So that room has everything shoved to one side and has a tarp over it.

I used to go to my Grandma Ma-t's house and we would play egg-ee-eye-over. It was super fun, we would get into teams and throw eggs from the back yard over the house,  and hit the others in the front of the house. It was always a hoot!

I have set some goals for myself, and I know it sounds a bit kiddish but I have made a sticker chart to go with it. It helps keep me motivated! Because it is hard to stay motivated.

Yay for March!

I am so glad that this winter is almost over.  I am glad that I will be able to go out and about more when the weather is warmer!

RB and I went to an accountant to get our taxes done this year. They are all done now, so that is nice.

I really want to move out of this apartment. This is probably the least favorite place I have lived since being married.... *knocks on wood*

My dog passed away a little bit ago, I call him my dog, but he belonged to all the family really. He was my step moms dog, when she moved in he came with her, he was a little yorkie and just adorable. He was about 16 years old, and had many health problems by the end.  He loved cuddles, and loved to play with the big dogs.  I could always be happily greeted by him when I came to visit after I moved away. I made him a stepping stone to put on his grave. It is still sitting on my couch, my family got sick with the flu so I have been waiting till they get better to go over there.

Evil little Monster

I must have done too much, I slept 14 hours over the last day and I still feel tired, probably an early bedtime for me tonight. I have slept on and off most of today....It is just fine though,  if my body needs the sleep then I will let me sleep. Might be a bug affecting me also, so we shall see.

I was reading through my journals the other day, trying to figure out the date to an event in  my life. It is so interesting to see all the things I did pre-sickness, I was normal. Sometimes it is hard for me to read, because it reminds me of what I used to be able to do, but this time it wasn't as hard. It was mostly during my college days.  One reason I love Facebook is because I still feel connected to the world and I am friends with all these wonderful people I went to college with, and get to know what they are up to these days.

Stinking awful virus. It just took too  much of a toll on my body and it has never been able to recover from what the evil little monster did to me. Leaving me with only a little bit of what I used to be....

February 7th, the day my twin aunts were born

As you can see in the title, I have 2 aunts who have birthdays today. I don't know any other aunts birthdays, but for some reason I have remembered their birthday since I was little, so to my Twin aunts HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Taxes are crazy, It was always fun to do taxes when one gets money back, but it is not fun to do them when you end up owing!

I am not even going to watch the super bowl

well that is all I can think of to post right now!


Ok ok, so my husband just turned on the super bowl, so I will probably see some of it.

Oh January

Today is probably the 2nd  best day (so far) I have had all month. I have not been in bed all day and was actually able to fold some laundry!

I had yucky tummy problems over the weekend that were not fun, but good thing I had some zofran still! I was lucky to not start vomiting.  I am still very weary about what I eat. 

My rib, I hope, is mostly better! Every now and then I feel it hurting, but nothing very painful!

I have crocheted 3 beanie hats and have been making little charms from a craft kit I got from Christmas. I will show you pictures when I get them uploaded. Stuff that I can do from bed.

RB and I started watching Star Trek, the original series a while ago, and just finished with the last movie for the original series.  I actually quite loved it! My favorite character is Dr. McCoy!  We started the next generation series, but I have not started to love the characters like I do the original series, but we are not that far into it.

Hello, It has been over a week since I was in the ER.

My rib is finally starting to not hurt as much! Which I am very grateful for, and for some reason it hurts the most at nights, and today it has only ached here and there a bit. 

I was very depressed last night. Being in bed and couped of for this long is never fun. 

My house is a disaster zone, and that just makes me feel worse. My tree is still in sections in my front room, along with all  the totes that need to be stored away.

I have been terribly upset at doctors in general, I don't want to live my life in bed, yet there is not much they can do......I know it isn't their fault.. 

11

I have eleven followers for this blog!

I was in the Emergency room this week, that was fun......(sarcasm)

The doctor thinks I have three different issues going on at once.

I seemed to have bruised my rib bone somehow.....and of course when you are puking your guts out, it really hurts. My rib has been hurting ever since the 1st of this month. I didn't even do anything to it, the only thing I can think of is that I was laying down weird that day watching a movie.  It just got worse when I was puking, and I couldn't even sit up or lay down with out being in lots of pain. Now it is just back to being painful when I move about.

The other two issues: A bag stomach bug, and this random ache that has been just below my rib for a while.....Of course being the emergency room they only treat you as an emergency. Got the puking and pain under control, did blood work to make sure it wasn't anything obvious, did an x-ray to see if ribs were broke, and then sent me home with anti-nausea med and more pain pills. My ribs aren't broke (but he said cracks are hard to see, so it is possible it could still be cracked.)

I had an ultra sound on Monday for the side ache (below the ribs), nothing concrete out of that yet. They said the doctor needed to look at it, but at the bottom of the ultra sound it was said that  there was nothing remarkable about the ultra sound.

I think I am going to call my normal doctor and set up an appointment, I think I need to get an MRI to see what is going on with my ribs, and maybe they can see about that ache below the rib too.


I also had an endoscopy last week, that was interesting, better then getting a colonoscopy.

fog

Some how, I have hurt a muscle on my ribs...

I wanted to write on my blog 30 seconds ago, but my brain just started doing its foggy thing....

k bye