It's hard to drive over about 30 minutes for me..... so when my doctors an hour and a half away it causes me major anxiety... because getting there is one thing, and then getting home is another issue....hmmmmmmm...... but it's the only doctor in the state that's specializes in cfids......so yeah..I just need to plan better..

And so it comes to writing all my feelings down

I don't know if I will ever publish this, but this is how I have dealt with things my whole life.

I have decided that my mother and her new husband are not welcome in my house anymore.

Maybe  I will write down my whole story someday you will all understand, but as of right now I do not care if you judge me and say that is rude. You think, That is your mother how could you say that.

Well I have just kicked them out of the house...

My mom believes that she is some sort of prophetess and she can tell you exactly what to do because it is coming from god and the worst part is, that her husband believes everything she comes up with.

When I was younger, my mom basically kidnapped me and my siblings. She took us on some crazy adventures and my dad had no clue where 4 of his kids were for what seemed like eternity to him, I remember it very well and it seemed like eternity to me too. Waking up each day and having my mom drive us to a different hotel and give them unknown names. One night she told me the next day we were going on  jet and never coming back. I was scared out of my mind and I don't think any 9 year old should ever have to go through this.  I missed my dad and knew that I just needed to get back to him where it was safe.....
See my mom is bi-polar.....manic depressive...what ever you want to call it, and she had gone off the deep end. She would say things like "your dad killed your brother, by sawing off the tree branch he was playing on." see my oldest brother was not with us.
The other things she would say when I said I wanted to go home were " where is home?" "It does not exsist?"  She had no clue what she was doing and she was crazy and I knew it! It was one of the scariest times of my life and I do not talk about it lightly or to hardly anyone......But everytime my mom visits it brings up these crazy times and I can not stand it. She acts like she is all the perfect angel and my dad is a horrible devil.....side note my dad was granted full custody of his kids......She blames it on him and believes that the way we are is because of him!  Well I am proud to say that the way I am is because Exactly how my father raised me and that is exactly who I want to be!!


I am sorry and I have just decided I am going to post this...... I might delete it when I am not so mad and I wrote it quickly and I am so sorry for all the mistakes.... in this blog, but I feel like I have just held it in for so long.... I will write my whole story some day, but that is not today......