Thinking

I really just can't believe that it is December already. This year has flown right by! To quote a song I listen to often "She hates time, just make it stop".

Sometimes thinking is not fun, Thinking about my life, and my plans that are not really achievable  anymore.  It makes me depressed, but I need to move on. I don't ever want to give up on getting better, but for now I think I need to change my perspective of what is going to happen in my life. Make new goals, and move on....... and forget what I wanted to become.

Maybe if I give up what I want, I can become something better/different then what I had thought I would become someday.

pictures!

Sometimes I feel like I'm a plant and can only be happy and thriving when there's sun around. I feel better in the sun then I do any where else (that I can think of at the moment).

Winters are hard on me, I'm sick more, and have more anxiety. Not sure why.....

Anyways. Here's my life in pictures lately:)

My nephew, attempting to build a contraption with a jump rope to lift this bucket.

And me for Halloween!

This is what my wall looked liked for a while as I worked on some awesome t shirts.

I burnt dinner:) RB and i just left it there and went out to eat.

I'm being a stalker, this is my sister coming to do her laundry.

worst

one of my worst anxiety attacks happened over night. Woke up finding myself with my arms tightly wrapped around this teddy bear. My husband switched himself for this bear so he could go to work. Oh I love him!

'TIS the season!

Yeah, so Hi Again....to me, I guess :)

Well Winter is coming and along with that also comes the cold/flu season. For me/someone with CFIDS that means getting sick every other week with a cold or something! I really try my hardest to use hand sanitizer everywhere I go and I try to not be around people who are sick, but it is really hard to be like "hey, Are you sick? STAY AWAY!"People just usually don't understand. Especially when it comes to church functions. Imagine, waking into a giant room with about 200 ( I think) people in it, and all you hear is.....cough....sneeze....wheeze....people clearing throats......and so on!

My brain goes through this "ahhh, I am going to sit in the far back and hope nothing gets to me!" But then........the hand shakes come at the end of the meeting!  I mean how do you politely avoid handshakes and have people understand? What I do is leave as quickly as possible after the closing prayer. Some people might think I am stuck up.....but really I am not.

Ok, you are probably thinking "oh my, she is such a germaphobe!" 

Think about it this way. What if you were in a constant mind frame of "can I do this? how much energy is this going to cost me? how will it make me feel later? If I do this, what will I not have energy to do later?"  It is a constant battle in my head of divvying out energy to the more important things in life, but then a sickness comes along and seriously picks me up and throws me into my bed and says "YOU MUST NOT DO ANYTHING OR YOU WILL HAVE MY WRATH UPON YOU!"

....and there I stay feeling just horrible for a couple of days..... It is not fun!

Oh wow! Was that to long of a rant?

Anyways! SO I have still been slowly getting my apartment put in place from the move. It is finally getting there. Most boxes have been unpacked, and at least most things are in the right rooms.

I went to the doctors about my arms....and my vitamin D levels are super low! I have been taking vitamin D for about a week now, and my arms have not improved much, but we will wait and see how it goes.

Wabam!

I need to post more!

My life has been kind of crazy lately. Moved out of two places and downsizing into an apartment can be quite stressful.  Where do I put all my stuff?! Good thing for DI :) I have gotten rid of quite a lot of stuff.

My arms have been hurting a lot lately, and so now I am going to make this post short because of my lovely left arm right now.

Hopefully I will be able to write more soon

My nightmares

   Everyone has weird dreams, right? Well before I got sick,  my nightmares seemed normal, when I would have them.  Like being chased by monsters, or a loved one dying. ya know, the normal stuff. At least the normal stuff for me. After I got mono, and then Chronic fatigue my nightmares definitely changed. Now I have a couple of dreams that are recurring. The first one is me sleeping through everything. If I have an appointment the next day, My nightmares include sleeping all day and missing my whole day and my appointment.  The second dream I have  is me doing normal day things, but they are just impossible for me to do. Like in my dreams I will be so extremely tired that I can't get out of bed and do the stuff I need to do! This is a big nightmare for me because its like I am under a spell and no matter how hard I try to get up, I just can't because of exhaustion. Or sometimes in this dream I have to get to point A to point B and I am at point A laying flat on the ground with exhaustion crazy tiredness, looking at everyone around me  going from point A to point B just fine. I don't really like these dreams and they always seem to start showing up when I know I have worn myself out over the last couple of days, or a sickness is coming. They have definitely making there way into my dreams the last couple of weeks. I do feel over worked and maybe I am getting sick or something. WE will hopefully just get the stress levels down and these dreams will go away. 

 Most days I wake up feeling crappy

BLAH

Hello

So the last couple of months have been really frustrating. Selling a house is hard work, especially when you have this stupid CFIDS. The house is never in perfect order when I have a showing, and I can't just use energy I DON'T HAVE to make it look perfect. I think that is a big reason why it hasn't sold yet.

I have also been attempting to redo part of my yard. It is a very very slow process for me. Just little bits done when I feel like I have the energy to do it.

I am also pretty sure I got food poisoning last night and I am still recovering from it today. It was the most awful thing. I don't even want to tell you what happened just because thinking about how sick I felt makes me feel sick all over again. So maybe another day.

I have been having a lot harder time lately with my CFIDS then I usually do. I am more depressed then usual, and just can't find a happy balance in my life right now.  I want to take my house off the market, but I don't see any other option right now. It is really hard on me, thinking that I have to keep the house in order all the time just IN CASE there is a showing. 

I am getting worse and worse at this blogging bit. I just feel like life goes on and my life hasn't changed much, so what is there to write about.

I got Roses from my husband last Friday for fun :) but they are already wilting:( It is sad.

I went and visited my sister today and tried to transplant some plants.....I don't know if they will make it. They were looking pretty droopy when I left.

Just attempted to vacuum out my car, and now my back hurts. That was fun.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.................................................,


ok well bye

guess what ?!

my finger is pretty much healed

progression of my mrsa sore on finger;)

 So, if you gag easy then don't look at the following pictures. I'm posting this for record and wonderful memories;) they are from most recent to the startish, of when my mrsa started.

Jan 31

Jan 30

Jan 20

Jan 18

update on finger

.....so I'm scared to say this, for fear people might run for their lives.....but it wasn't a cold sore on my finger.......



it is mrsa........

yippee...............

some people have heard of it, some have not

Interesting day!

Today was interesting!

I am trying to type with one less finger right now. Don't worry, it is still there!

About four or five days ago, one of my fingers started to feel funny, Like really sensitive when it got touched. Then it started to look all bubbly, It was a bit weird. I bandaged it up and went on my way. Anyways it just hadn't changed(got a little worse) and I had a doctors appointment today's anyways. So I decided to show it to him, and ask about it. He decided we needed to take some cultures of it and in order to do that, he needed to take a knife to one of the bubbles! BLAH! I was a bit scared, but it didn't hurt really. Until he started pushing on it with a Q-tip, then I blurted out.. "Bring Back the knife!" Ha Ha, The part when he was pushing on it hurt a whole lot more then the knife part!

SO, the tests are not back yet, but he thinks that the herpes virrus has now traveled to my hand....or my finger! So I have a cold sore on my finger....actually like five! And it does not feel good to bend it! Also, it can be transferred to other parts of my body and to other people, so I will have it bandaged up good for a while :)

Also, I screamed at a Les Scwab guy today! Not because I was mad, but because he scared me! I jump and scream easily!  I was walking in to the store and I did not see him come out to help me, and then he was just there....and I screamed! Ha Ha, poor guy!

Alright now for some pictures of my finger! Want to see?? Well here you go!

good bye 2013

I think that 2013 was a great year, I think about the things I did and it makes me happy for the most part. I should make a list. They are not going to be in any order;)

1.  I carried out the plans I desined a year or two ago for a beautiful lanscape! It was a new house, so I got to design every last little inch of the ouside! I hired a crew, got to let my imagination run wild(with a budget of course), went to a huge greenhouse and ordered a ton of plants! I am excited in the spring to go over there and see all the ornamental trees and bushes in bloom! I designed in a way that there would be interest each Season! In the fall there will be bright red leafs! In the winter there will be spots that the branches will be a bright red or a bright yellow! In the spring, there will be many different colors of liliacs blooming, and three weeping trees will be blooming in another section( one with hot pink flowers!) In the summer there is a perenial and annual flower beds.I planned the perennials to be blooming at different times. Ok, well enough about that;)

2. I found a doctor in Utah that is specializing and researching cfids(chronic fatigiu immume deficiency syndrome).
Yay,no need to travel out of state!!
I have really like going to this doctors office! I love walking in  and feeling like I am not fighting this alone! We have a treatment plan, there is no cure right now, but some of the symptoms can be helped.

3. Went to yellowstone in August! This is a yearly thing, but its always really fun! I started writing a paper titled " what I have learned about Yellowstone, from the Whitakers".

4.  No weird medical issues!  So this is something to at least mention!
    -2012 I had eschemic colitis, and huge              ovarian cyst.

5. We still live in two different places, hoping to remedy that soon!  My house is for sale!

6. Started and stopped paying world of war craft. Decided I didn't want to pay monthly fee:)

7. My goodreads account says I've only read two books this year.... I read more, I swear!  I read a couple of unpublished books;)

8. My name was published in a book!  In the acknowlegdments! This brings it up to three times my name has been in published books. The other two were for my husbands thesis and his technical book he wrote in 2012.

I think a list of eight things its good enough! thanks for reading!
Bye!
Krista