a Month!

 I really can't believe it has been a whole month since my grandma passed away! Wishing time would just slow down!

My right side of my face and neck hurt right now. I am getting a cold sore, I guess I have been stressing too much... I just need to not stress.....ha ha, ya right:) It doesn't help that I already have a weakened immune system. Here is to hoping I can just make my brain stop stressing and get over this cold sore, tomorrow! That would be nice.

I recently got to participate in a CFIDS/SEID research study. Got to answer a big packet of questions and get lots of blood drawn. It was interesting. I couldn't even keep my eyes open on the way home (my sister was driving), It wore me out so much. It took me a couple days to recover from that one, but hey maybe my blood will help them find a cure :)

I want to do something crafty today, but I should probably just go and lay down. Sometimes when I am crafting, I forget how tired I am, and then the craft goes south and so do I! lol.

hmmmm.... I can't think of what I have been up to lately. I have been looking at lots of house plans on pinterest and dreaming of the day I will get out of this apartment. I really miss having central air. Swamp coolers just make everything moist.... so much fun....


It is warming up, I love the summer! I just want to sit on a beach or swim all the time.

Ok, well my ear is starting to ache so, I better go put some drops in my ear... and lay down.

memories

It is a very quite and solemn day here at my house. Even the weather seems to be agreeing with this day. My Lovely Grandma passed away this morning at 12:30 am

Memories of my Grandma

The memory that keeps coming to my mind the past couple of days while I knew she would be passing on at any moment is about a white owl.

I grew up (for the most part) only living a 1/2 a mile away from my grandma, she would go on walks for exercise it seemed like every morning, On a lot of these mornings my siblings, my cousins and I would be waiting for the school bus, while my grandma would start out her walk.  On this particular morning my grandma had come across a beautiful Snowy white owl that had flown into a pole and was on its last leg of life.  For the last hour or so of life my grandma cuddled  that owl and spoke soothing words to it, she said that it was scared and just needed some comforting before it died. I think back on this memory with and think of what a beautifully kind heart she had. This beautiful snowy white owl being cuddled by my grandma like it was a newborn baby.  I asked her about it later that day and she had told me that it had passed on. I am sure she or my grandpa (or maybe even both) dug a beautiful grave for the beautiful snow owl somewhere on the farm.


Grumpy Krista:
 Before my parents got divorced, I remember them going on a vacation somewhere and my grandma came and stayed with us for a whole week!  One day, I was being very grumpy and she told me to go sit on a chair until I smiled. The only thing I had to do was smile and I could get off the chair. I was so stubborn, I was determined not to smile! My siblings were playing in the back yard and it wasn't long before I was laughing at what they were doing, but then I reminded my self that I was not supposed to be smiling, but my grandma had already seen it, and I was free to go...silly me

an update...lol

Legs hurt......

why oh why am I so tired today, these days make me depressed..then I dont want to do anything....even though I had plans to do something.....I hate being on a weird sleeping schedule, but can't seem to get on a normal one...yeah, I know, you're all tired of me....but I feel a bit lonely in my struggles everyday, And that most people just don't care what I've got to deal with every day.  They go about their normal life's not giving a thought to the person who spends a good part of her day in bed....everyday..... I wouldn't wish this on anyone...... I hate it

Life

Life is life....and I don't think I will ever give up on trying to find out where all my energy went,

My latest theory......I need to go find it, it just apparently decided to get up and walk away from me, so I would have to go on many adventures to find it.....hmmm,  I guess it got bored with me!  First place I am going to look for it........DISNEYLAND!

Wish me luck!

Sleeping schedule

There are so many things I wish I could do today. I have been attempting to get on a normal sleeping pattern without the use of a sleep aid. It sucks! I think I have finally gotten the ambien out of my system, but now it seems like my sleeping habits are turned upside down. I  have not slept well all last week due to getting off said sleep aid, and so yesterday I crashed! Slept all day long in a really deep sleep. I was up at noon, for some food but was so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open. So back into bed I went and slept till 5pm! Now my body is on opposite  time and I am having a very hard time staying awake right now.  It is true that I did not fall asleep until 3 am, but one reason was because of the sudden onset of stomach cramps I had off and on until then...What do I do???? I am too tired to do anything but stare at things. Maybe I will just go back to bed...for a bit.

Thinking

I really just can't believe that it is December already. This year has flown right by! To quote a song I listen to often "She hates time, just make it stop".

Sometimes thinking is not fun, Thinking about my life, and my plans that are not really achievable  anymore.  It makes me depressed, but I need to move on. I don't ever want to give up on getting better, but for now I think I need to change my perspective of what is going to happen in my life. Make new goals, and move on....... and forget what I wanted to become.

Maybe if I give up what I want, I can become something better/different then what I had thought I would become someday.