PEM

I have been doing really bad at updating this blog, A lot of it is me thinking "my life really hasn't changed that much", it is just the same old same old most days.

MECFS: Today I want to talk about PEM, because I am having it pretty bad today. I was at my family farm yesterday and the weather was beautiful! I just wanted to play with the cats and dogs, talk to my family and have fun! I don't regret it, even though I am in pain throughout most of my body today, I feel like it was good for my soul. I listened to my body and when I was having bad dizzy/heart palps, I would rest, if I was outside I would usually get a cute dog by me begging to be petted, which I was happy to oblige.


I was excited yesterday because the mama cat had her kittens, but I went looking for them and found them all passed away! I was heart broken! I wanted to bring a couple to my house when it is done :( I am not sure what happened, they were born alive ( at least three) because they had been feeding on the mama cat and I could tell. I am not sure if another animal got to them, the mama abandoned them, or they just were born unhealthy. I was pretty bummed out all night after I got home and kept having nightmares about dead kittens.....


My house is still being built! It is getting closer to being finished! I am super excited!!!

My soaker Tub! This is one of the things I am most excited about my new house!

The sun was setting so its not the best picture, but here is part of my kitchen and my banister on the stairs

Trevor decided he liked the middle the best

Tried to take picture of my dad and me but he started coughing just as I took it :) lol

Here is a better one, I love it! Me, Lisa, and Dad

Can you believe my little brother is getting married in less then a month!
Look how cute he was as a baby!

hola

I seem to have lost my password for a while and I am finally getting around to getting it changed again.

So


Our house has finally began to be built! Last post I thought it never was going to happen, but we came to an agreement about the price (yes it is still more then what we thought).

The Framing is complete and they are working on the system rough-ins this week.

My back and shoulders have been hurting this last week, I think I have been sleeping funny on them.

I was sick for most of January.....Not fun


Sick for a chunk of February. Decided I needed to be better at staying in and not exposing myself to other people and their sicknesses, it has been a horrible flu season.

heart broken

I am frustrated and Heart broken

Many of you know that I have been working on a getting my house built.....I  got really bad news two days ago and I am still not sure what to do.... All these promises down the drain.....Long story short, we signed last December for our house to be built and paid earnest money, signed contracts picked out all the stuff and locked in our price ......and I waited and waited, they kept pushing back the dig date, first it was May, then June, then it just seemed up in the air all summer, then finally in October the road got put in and  I was told that as soon as the road is in they will start.....I get a call saying they are basically breaking the contract and can't build for that price and want to charge us n extra 30-40 thousands dollars!!! They have lost me a year of planning........

The only time I ever write is at 3 am

 I hate trying to fall asleep.  I must be a night owl because I feel tired and just am dragging myself through out the day and then night comes and its like my brain is finally waking up. It doesn't help that I took midol, it has caffeine and of course that is going to wake up my brain. Another Reason is because I have been on sleeping pills for three days now.  I really don't want to be on them, but when I am not on them, my sleeping habits just seem to get worse and worse. I need something natural that works.  I want to stay off them long enough to see if this other medicine can start working with keeping the adrenaline levels down at night, but I think that I am still dependent on the sleeping pills so my body isn't going to adjust yet.

Growing up I never wanted to be one of those people who always had to be taking pills,  I roll my eyes at that now because how was I supposed to know that I was going to get a chornic illness.


Still no dig date in site....yes it was supposed to be June and now it is the middle of July and I haven't heard anything for weeks...Sometimes I wonder if I it just ain't meant to be....

I have been learning to play the Ukulele. Maybe if I get brave enough some day I will record and show you all my progress.

My brother in law is getting married this week, time sure does fly by fast and I am so excited for them both! I am so excited to be getting a new sister in law!

My brother is in Canada right now. Lol I kept forgetting that he was going and I found out yesterday he had already left.

My sister hurt her back and it has been a crazy couple of weeks for her, health insurance is a joke at times.....Why should the people who don't have Medical degrees get to decide what should be done or not...its a bit ridiculous....I hope she is on the mend, physical therapy seems to be helping

I have been attempting to organize my craft room. I bought two shelving units that have helped greatly in this endeavor.

My swamp cooler is driving me insane, I really don't like how it gets things so humid and I feel like everything is just soaked. Half the time I would rather just deal with the heat (to some degree). We have a portable AC but that thing has a hard time just keeping my room cool,  I can't usually get it as cool as I would like, but it is better then nothing.

This next month is going to be busy (at least for me) and then looking ahead and seeing so much going on gets my anxiety going a bit crazy (thank goodness for anti anxiety meds, or I would be much worse off). I just have to tell my brain (at least when it will listen to me, sometimes it can be an uncontrolled anxiety) to just take it a day at a time, and I have left it so my plans can be changed if needs be, mostly it would be me staying home and have RB go off and do fun things without me, but that will be just fine. Usually what causes me lots of anxiety is knowingly going to put myself through an uncontrollable situation.  Examples.....Airplanes, Vacations,  someone else driving and  me not knowing where we are going, stuff like that....

Oh summer, how you make me happy and haunt me at the same time

Yes! I love summer and warmer weather!

But then when you have never gotten 100% back to what you felt like before you got sick...it starts to haunt you, does that make sense? I want to go run and play, but can't. Still love sitting out in the warm weather, so it still makes me happy that it is nice and sunny.

Let's see what has been new in my life.....really nothing much

My dig date is still undetermined....yeah it was supposed to be this month, but There still is no road built....I am getting annoyed with just waiting and at times I wonder if I should just not build....just the waiting game and its making me second guess my decision to build.

My arms hurt....so It seems I can't do much today.

Oh wow,

Hello April

I have decided I am famous

lol just kidding

Does anyone else get really hyper/excited/anxiety when they take Excedrin, I know it is because of the caffeine, but seriously ugh.....

Lets see

I ordered computer parts and built my own computer! Along with my husband and youtube :) I love how so much information is just so easily available and I can do stuff like this, Next thing I am going to continue learning about is Electrical stuff. I started a class, but couldn't quite finish because of my lovely CFS, but I still plan on reading the rest of the book and taking the rest of the quizzes.


I have finalized all my house plans and picked out all of the  stuff for the inside! yay! Our dig date still isn't until June, so probably won't be anything exciting going to on that front until then.

I have been sick with a nasty cold for two weeks, spent most of last week in bed and half of this week in bed. This is why I am so  paranoid about getting sick, I  have a compromised immune system and I am completely wiped out by a simple cold! I thought for a day or two I might have to go to the ER to get pumped with fluids.


I wan to talk for a little bit about why CFS is such a stupid name, Let me name just a few of the things I deal with,

1. Cold night sweats- I wake up drenched and freezing to the point that I am shaking! It is the worst!
2. Insomnia- Yes, it is weird, but Chronic fatigue people usually deal with insomnia, sometimes you   are just passed out and you are basically paralyzed with fatigue and other times your body is just so tired, but your brain is awake and you just lay there not sleeping at all.
3. Feeling Feverish- For a lot of people (including me) I seem to get very low grade fevers, so most people wouldn't even consider it a fever, but it sure feels like it.
4. Brain Fuzziness- It is just really hard to think straight, like sometimes how an antihistamine makes you feel, really head tired....Does that make sense?
5. ACHY MUSCLES- Mostly this occurs in my arms- Sometimes I cant even lift my arms over my head because of the pain, and this also occurs with me just trying to do anything with them, this is not a constant thing (which I am extremely grateful for), but taking Vitamin D3 helps to alleviate some of the pain. I usually take about 1500mg a day
6. The Fatigue- Of course there is also the fatigue. Next time you are sick and you get out of bed to do something and you feel like you are about a thousand pounds and you can't do anything because you feel so exhaust just doing anything, that is how it feels a lot of the time....

I also want to include some advice, and remember it is just advice and not law!

When I was first diagnosed/trying to figure out what was wrong with me, my doctor prescribed me  Ambein, thinking that I was feeling all these things because maybe I was not getting a good night sleep. Honestly I don't remember not being able to sleep back then, but I started on this regiment to see if It would help get me better. Some days I think that it just made me worse in ways. Doctors will tell you that this drug is not addictive, but you can get dependent on it. BUT I don't believe that, because I am telling you it is addictive in my opinion! My body craves it when I don't have it, It leaves you with an almost happy feeling that leaves you wanting more, how is that not addictive? And the worst part is trying to get off it,your body doesn't sleep because it has become dependent on it! So night after night you don't sleep or you don't sleep well until your body has gone through withdrawals. This can take a while (for me, at least a couple weeks). I have been on and off the ambien train for 7 years and I wish I never would have started...but I didn't know it would be like this.........

UGH

Well Here it is in February all ready.

This week has not been fun at all.  When I start on a downward trend like I have for this week I am constantly thinking what I could have to done to avoid getting this episode of "laying in bed feeling like I am going to pass out every time I get up and try and do something", ( yeah, I know I am being dramatic, but I get kind of crazy being coupped up).  Was it going to the gym on Monday and overdoing it? Was it the cupcakes I had to many of? was it a type of food that I usually don't eat? I have no clue and I guess maybe it is not preventable and it its just something my body does, Maybe it is my ebstien barr virus acting up?

 I have had a bad ear ache since yesterday and the the side of my face is in pain.