an update...lol

Legs hurt......

why oh why am I so tired today, these days make me depressed..then I dont want to do anything....even though I had plans to do something.....I hate being on a weird sleeping schedule, but can't seem to get on a normal one...yeah, I know, you're all tired of me....but I feel a bit lonely in my struggles everyday, And that most people just don't care what I've got to deal with every day.  They go about their normal life's not giving a thought to the person who spends a good part of her day in bed....everyday..... I wouldn't wish this on anyone...... I hate it

Life

Life is life....and I don't think I will ever give up on trying to find out where all my energy went,

My latest theory......I need to go find it, it just apparently decided to get up and walk away from me, so I would have to go on many adventures to find it.....hmmm,  I guess it got bored with me!  First place I am going to look for it........DISNEYLAND!

Wish me luck!

Sleeping schedule

There are so many things I wish I could do today. I have been attempting to get on a normal sleeping pattern without the use of a sleep aid. It sucks! I think I have finally gotten the ambien out of my system, but now it seems like my sleeping habits are turned upside down. I  have not slept well all last week due to getting off said sleep aid, and so yesterday I crashed! Slept all day long in a really deep sleep. I was up at noon, for some food but was so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open. So back into bed I went and slept till 5pm! Now my body is on opposite  time and I am having a very hard time staying awake right now.  It is true that I did not fall asleep until 3 am, but one reason was because of the sudden onset of stomach cramps I had off and on until then...What do I do???? I am too tired to do anything but stare at things. Maybe I will just go back to bed...for a bit.

Thinking

I really just can't believe that it is December already. This year has flown right by! To quote a song I listen to often "She hates time, just make it stop".

Sometimes thinking is not fun, Thinking about my life, and my plans that are not really achievable  anymore.  It makes me depressed, but I need to move on. I don't ever want to give up on getting better, but for now I think I need to change my perspective of what is going to happen in my life. Make new goals, and move on....... and forget what I wanted to become.

Maybe if I give up what I want, I can become something better/different then what I had thought I would become someday.

pictures!

Sometimes I feel like I'm a plant and can only be happy and thriving when there's sun around. I feel better in the sun then I do any where else (that I can think of at the moment).

Winters are hard on me, I'm sick more, and have more anxiety. Not sure why.....

Anyways. Here's my life in pictures lately:)

My nephew, attempting to build a contraption with a jump rope to lift this bucket.

And me for Halloween!

This is what my wall looked liked for a while as I worked on some awesome t shirts.

I burnt dinner:) RB and i just left it there and went out to eat.

I'm being a stalker, this is my sister coming to do her laundry.

worst

one of my worst anxiety attacks happened over night. Woke up finding myself with my arms tightly wrapped around this teddy bear. My husband switched himself for this bear so he could go to work. Oh I love him!