worst

one of my worst anxiety attacks happened over night. Woke up finding myself with my arms tightly wrapped around this teddy bear. My husband switched himself for this bear so he could go to work. Oh I love him!

'TIS the season!

Yeah, so Hi Again....to me, I guess :)

Well Winter is coming and along with that also comes the cold/flu season. For me/someone with CFIDS that means getting sick every other week with a cold or something! I really try my hardest to use hand sanitizer everywhere I go and I try to not be around people who are sick, but it is really hard to be like "hey, Are you sick? STAY AWAY!"People just usually don't understand. Especially when it comes to church functions. Imagine, waking into a giant room with about 200 ( I think) people in it, and all you hear is.....cough....sneeze....wheeze....people clearing throats......and so on!

My brain goes through this "ahhh, I am going to sit in the far back and hope nothing gets to me!" But then........the hand shakes come at the end of the meeting!  I mean how do you politely avoid handshakes and have people understand? What I do is leave as quickly as possible after the closing prayer. Some people might think I am stuck up.....but really I am not.

Ok, you are probably thinking "oh my, she is such a germaphobe!" 

Think about it this way. What if you were in a constant mind frame of "can I do this? how much energy is this going to cost me? how will it make me feel later? If I do this, what will I not have energy to do later?"  It is a constant battle in my head of divvying out energy to the more important things in life, but then a sickness comes along and seriously picks me up and throws me into my bed and says "YOU MUST NOT DO ANYTHING OR YOU WILL HAVE MY WRATH UPON YOU!"

....and there I stay feeling just horrible for a couple of days..... It is not fun!

Oh wow! Was that to long of a rant?

Anyways! SO I have still been slowly getting my apartment put in place from the move. It is finally getting there. Most boxes have been unpacked, and at least most things are in the right rooms.

I went to the doctors about my arms....and my vitamin D levels are super low! I have been taking vitamin D for about a week now, and my arms have not improved much, but we will wait and see how it goes.

Wabam!

I need to post more!

My life has been kind of crazy lately. Moved out of two places and downsizing into an apartment can be quite stressful.  Where do I put all my stuff?! Good thing for DI :) I have gotten rid of quite a lot of stuff.

My arms have been hurting a lot lately, and so now I am going to make this post short because of my lovely left arm right now.

Hopefully I will be able to write more soon

My nightmares

   Everyone has weird dreams, right? Well before I got sick,  my nightmares seemed normal, when I would have them.  Like being chased by monsters, or a loved one dying. ya know, the normal stuff. At least the normal stuff for me. After I got mono, and then Chronic fatigue my nightmares definitely changed. Now I have a couple of dreams that are recurring. The first one is me sleeping through everything. If I have an appointment the next day, My nightmares include sleeping all day and missing my whole day and my appointment.  The second dream I have  is me doing normal day things, but they are just impossible for me to do. Like in my dreams I will be so extremely tired that I can't get out of bed and do the stuff I need to do! This is a big nightmare for me because its like I am under a spell and no matter how hard I try to get up, I just can't because of exhaustion. Or sometimes in this dream I have to get to point A to point B and I am at point A laying flat on the ground with exhaustion crazy tiredness, looking at everyone around me  going from point A to point B just fine. I don't really like these dreams and they always seem to start showing up when I know I have worn myself out over the last couple of days, or a sickness is coming. They have definitely making there way into my dreams the last couple of weeks. I do feel over worked and maybe I am getting sick or something. WE will hopefully just get the stress levels down and these dreams will go away. 

 Most days I wake up feeling crappy

BLAH

Hello

So the last couple of months have been really frustrating. Selling a house is hard work, especially when you have this stupid CFIDS. The house is never in perfect order when I have a showing, and I can't just use energy I DON'T HAVE to make it look perfect. I think that is a big reason why it hasn't sold yet.

I have also been attempting to redo part of my yard. It is a very very slow process for me. Just little bits done when I feel like I have the energy to do it.

I am also pretty sure I got food poisoning last night and I am still recovering from it today. It was the most awful thing. I don't even want to tell you what happened just because thinking about how sick I felt makes me feel sick all over again. So maybe another day.

I have been having a lot harder time lately with my CFIDS then I usually do. I am more depressed then usual, and just can't find a happy balance in my life right now.  I want to take my house off the market, but I don't see any other option right now. It is really hard on me, thinking that I have to keep the house in order all the time just IN CASE there is a showing. 

I am getting worse and worse at this blogging bit. I just feel like life goes on and my life hasn't changed much, so what is there to write about.

I got Roses from my husband last Friday for fun :) but they are already wilting:( It is sad.

I went and visited my sister today and tried to transplant some plants.....I don't know if they will make it. They were looking pretty droopy when I left.

Just attempted to vacuum out my car, and now my back hurts. That was fun.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.................................................,


ok well bye